"The heart must be the first, chief, constant object of solicitude to the Christian. It is this which God sees, and because God principally looks at it, the heart must be ever uppermost in our concern.
...To keep the heart must mean exerting ourselves with great earnestness, in dependence upon Divine grace, to preserve it in a good state; laboring to preserve its vitality, vigor, and purity.
...The heart is the citadel of the soul. If this is neglected, the enemy at the gates will soon be in and take possession. Set a watch, therefore, upon the heart. Let the sentinel be never off duty, nor sleeping at his post." -Proverbs 4:23 Commentary
i am navigating through life consisting of very human people with wildly different richness/color/depth/multidimensional/multifaceted quality of inner life. in doing so i am increasingly filled with an itching curiosity about the following things:
-our unique journeys to understanding vulnerability: do we demean it? do we value it? do we fear it? do we avoid it? do we idolize it? do we live in it? is it characterized by Christ-like humility? or is it characterized by an ill-begotten plea for self-victimizing, self-serving attention?
-our unique ways of individually experiencing and processing things i.e. emotions, thoughts, struggles, praises - aka the nitty gritty of life: how long does it take to process individually? which voices weigh most influentially during the processing? what blinds us in the process? what is our inner endurance level? all or nothing, chunk by chunk, not at all? what are the instruments of articulation and organization: writing, talking, silence?
-our unique ways of turning an insular gaze to an outreaching, sharing posture: what is our understanding of the meaning we attach to sharing? where did this understanding come from? is it biblical?
-our unique ways of seeking guidance/help: who are our peers? our mentors? our paul's, our barnabas's, our timothy's? who are our safe people? are they really safe?
-our unique ways of not doing any of the above
-self-perception of pride enlaced into our being: how are we deceiving ourselves through justification and/or victimization? how are we failing to make the connection between certain suffering/brokenness and our own responsibility/sinfulness/pride? because when has pride ever not been a factor, ever. how can we be real with others if we can't be real with ourselves.
-is it possible for some people to be vacant. i guess so. please help me understand because i'm so confused. do i have to understand to love? i guess not. but it helps. and i'm still confused at the end of the day help meee
sidenotes;
"nasar" (guard): to guard, protect, keep, obey; observe, behold, watch, inspect
can we please delve into the deep and dark and scary together? we can pioneer it togetherrrr. help slay each other's monsters & help hold the lantern for each other. take the night time watch while one of us naps before the morning onslaught. chip away at mildew, at pests, at cancerous growths. because we're all gross inside, who ever said your gross is worse than mine. nobody that's who.
feeling inhibited and pushy and helpless
also being at home makes me gain weight ughhh