sometimes the quietness of my apartment becomes suffocating and i imagine my chest caving in. there is little else i can muster energy to do besides curl up in bed and pityingly eat hazelnut mascarpone ice cream. stare at my freezing hands. listen to my breathing.
when i see your faces i feel my heart ignore my objecting cry as it crumbles to pieces. & as i listen to you laugh in the face of certain death and watch you toiling as lord of your dying world, i am tempted hug my knees until they bruise as if by brute strength i could somehow alleviate this anguish or perhaps hold my heart together in some sort of discernible order.
also you are a blind spot in my vision that i don't know how to resolve without inadvertently bringing harm to myself
because it hurts to grieve a living person i don't know anymore
someone tell me it was worth it because i can't convince myself over these gaping wounds i didn't know existed
sidenotes;
i donno
fears, jono mccleery
i don't trust myself, john mayer
someone to watch over me, amy winehouse