rainy fridays

Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts

3.31.2014

john stott & new quarter


“I could never myself believe in God, if it were not for the cross. The only God I believe in is the One Nietzsche ridiculed as 'God on the cross.' In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it? I have entered many Buddhist temples in different Asian countries and stood respectfully before the statue of the Buddha, his legs crossed, arms folded, eyes closed, the ghost of a smile playing round his mouth, a remote look on his face, detached from the agonies of the world. But each time after a while I have had to turn away. And in imagination I have turned instead to that lonely, twisted, tortured figure on the cross, nails through hands and feet, back lacerated, limbs wrenched, brow bleeding from thorn-pricks, mouth dry and intolerably thirsty, plunged in Godforsaken darkness. That is the God for me! He laid aside his immunity to pain. He entered our world of flesh and blood, tears and death. He suffered for us. Our sufferings become more manageable in the light of his. There is still a question mark against human suffering, but over it we boldly stamp another mark, the cross that symbolizes divine suffering. 'The cross of Christ ... is God’s only self-justification in such a world” as ours....' 'The other gods were strong; but thou wast weak; they rode, but thou didst stumble to a throne; But to our wounds only God’s wounds can speak, And not a god has wounds, but thou alone.” 
― John R.W. Stott, Cross

“[Christian rebellion] arises from the doctrine of mankind made in the image of God, and therefore protests against all forms of dehumanization. It sets itself against the social injustices which insult God the Creator, seeks to protect human beings from oppression and longs to liberate them… it protests against every authoritarian regime, whether of the left or of the right, which discriminates against minorities, denies people their civil rights, forbids the free expression of opinions or imprisons people for their views alone.” 
― John R.W. Stott

Jesus never concealed the fact that his religion included a demand as well as an offer. Indeed, the demand was as total as the offer was free. If he offered men his salvation, he also demanded their submission. He gave no encouragement whatever to thoughtless applicants for discipleship. He brought no pressure to bear on any inquirer. He sent irresponsible enthusiasts away empty. Luke tells of three men who either volunteered, or were invited, to follow Jesus; but no one passed the Lord’s test. The rich young ruler, too, moral, earnest and attractive, who wanted eternal life on his own terms, went away sorrowful, with his riches intact but with neither life nor Christ as his possession…The Christian landscape is strewn with the wreckage of derelict, half built towers—the ruins of those who began to build and were unable to finish. For thousands of people still ignore Christ’s warning and undertake to follow him without first pausing to reflect on the cost of doing so. The result is the great scandal of Christendom today, so called 'nominal Christianity.' In countries to which Christian civilization has spread, large numbers of people have covered themselves with a decent, but thin, veneer of Christianity. They have allowed themselves to become somewhat involved, enough to be respectable but not enough to be uncomfortable. Their religion is a great, soft cushion. It protects them from the hard unpleasantness of life, while changing its place and shape to suit their convenience. No wonder the cynics speak of hypocrites in the church and dismiss religion as escapism…The message of Jesus was very different. He never lowered his standards or modified his conditions to make his call more readily acceptable. He asked his first disciples, and he has asked every disciple since, to give him their thoughtful and total commitment. Nothing less than this will do.” 
― John R.W. Stott, Basic Christianity

tomorrow is the beginning of spring quarter. out of my solitude with God today, i will peptalk the future me for the next three months of my life:

prioritize your emotional, spiritual, mental, social, and physical health. know that it's okay and normal to be in your twenties and not have your life figured out. you fret and are easily overwhelmed and are of little faith; cling to the disciplines of the faith with the entirety of your being engaged because it is out of solitude with your Maker that you will 1) thrive and not just feebly survive and 2) be seen and fully known by your Heavenly Father who desires to carry your chaotic mess. interrogate your downcast soul and remind it to rejoice because God is worthy of this response, and because all things are purpose-full in the outworking of your salvation.

sidenotes;
this season of life as i currently see it is marked by blessed delight, adoration, fear, weariness, choked panting, deep breaths

10.05.2013

not an option


i'm not sure what to think, feel, or do about this new development. is there ever any clear direction when those you most desire approval from cannot give it? when people who have played a formative role in my life are unwilling or unable to enter into the joy of that which is close to your heart? not only unwilling, but straight up resistant? what if they are ignorant to the ways that they cannot meet you where you are? what if they are aware that they cannot meet you where you are? what if running away is not an option and i am left with the mess that is life in my shaking palms and unsure fingers

god would you go before me, like i know you do
god would you help me welcome the bitter with the sweet

p.s. the concept of generational sin kind of terrifies the pewp out of me

sidenotes;
since when did new developments ever come with new obstacles
never, that's when

8.10.2013

ever deeper roots


ever deeper roots, ever sweeter communion. may ever louder praise incessantly flow from my heart. may all know that you are king. ever more, always & forever.

5.06.2013

stream of conscious death week updates



"The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God's eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity and held safe in an everlasting embrace... We must dare to opt consciously for our chosenness and not allow our emotions, feelings, or passions to seduce us into self-rejection." Henri J. Nouwen
"To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God moulds us according to God's love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control." Henri J. Nouwen
“But intimacy is not found on the level where fear resides. Intimacy is not a happy medium. It is a way of being in which the tension between distance and closeness is dissolved and a new horizon appears. . .When Jesus says: ‘Do not be afraid; it is I,’ he reveals a new space in which we can move freely without fear. This intimate space is not a fine line between distance and closeness, but a wide field of movement in which the question of whether we are close or distant is no longer the guiding question.” Henri J. Nouwen
monday 4am // i am grateful for the gentle rain on my concrete windowsill while i write my essay after a few consecutive days of unbearable heat. i am grateful for the presence of His inexplicable peace at this quiet hour, and that my little succulent plant in the tin bucket sits on my desk in resolute, stout victory, reminding me that growth can be imperceptible but is so very beautiful.

EDIT monday 1pm // praise be to my Father God who is so inexplicably able to sustain me in His mysterious ways. i don't know how He does it. i slept at 5am after writing 5 pages, woke at 8:45am, and finished at 12:30pm, ending with a grand 8 pages. i don't even know how. i am thankful for the soothing rain today because it quieted and uplifted my heart & if i didn't know any better, i would very well have assumed it was a rainy friday. what a sweet and gentle Comforter i serve, at whose feet i find perfect joy.

EDIT tuesday 2am // okay God. coming before you to ask for more strength. can't keep my eyes open and i still have so much to do.

EDIT tuesday 8am // after sleeping at 5:30 am this morning, i was woken at 8am with an awful calf cramp (that still kinda hurts right now... iono). i finished my second essay about hyper-sexual portrayal of super-heroines at 10:30am. busted out 1 of 2 of my tuesday reading responses. tuesday, bring it on.

EDIT tuesday 12:45pm // i am feeling increasing dislike of my ethn185 professor for her merciless (ab)use of her professorship in the display of power and fear: pop quizzes and strict punctuality and relentless assignments that, i feel, disregard my busyness outside of these brief times on tues/thurs of lecture.

EDIT thursday 3:28am // how quiet it is in my apartment. how unhappy my tummy is for drinking caffeine. how peaceful my heart is for no reason. presently undergoing essay #3.

EDIT thursday 4:38am // i have my intro and a bombtastic thesis and shall now commence to word vomit like none other.

EDIT thursday 7:38am // i don't know how i am still alive lol

EDIT thursday 10:30am // good morning

EDIT friday 10am // i'm so tired. have used up all of my brain for the first three essays

EDIT friday 5pm // done done done done

sidenotes;
i can do this. He will bring me through.

3.23.2013

4am prayer

source

You know every crevice and pothole and gash and scar on the veins that interlace chambers of my heart. You know what makes it sing, what makes it crumple; You know the circumstances and the people that have made indelible marks on it — those who have entered and passed through with the fluctuating waves of life. You orchestrate the lives that temporarily intersect. You know my heart’s daily propensities towards self-enthronement. You know the ugly monsters that dwell inside. You know all that is within and You love therefore You work for my good and are presently making a masterpiece yet to be revealed with Christ’s returning glory as You prune and do surgery and crush and break and mold and build. let my actions, intentions, interactions, words, reactions, hopes, dreams, desires, thoughts, meditations — let it all speak of Christ.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say this--those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south. Psalm 107:1-3

sidenotes;
lol it is 4am //edit 5am
need more prayer

i just stumbled upon new music (woodkid, little dragon, thievery corporation) and i freaking am dead. i love this.
i love my ma & my sissy & my di. and being at home. and prayer and joy and a;slkdjfaoeifsdf


CAN SOMEONE PLZ FREAK OUT WITH ME I'M FREAKING OUT
THIS STUDENT ORG
IS GOING TO WORK

I WISH I COULD ADEQUATELY EXPRESS THE EXTENT OF MY FREAKING OUT BY SOMEHOW POURING ALL OF THIS EXCITEMENT INTO THESE CAPITALIZED WORDS
I FEEL SO UNCHARACTERISTICALLY EXCITED IT'S BEWILDERING AND EXHILARATING


there is revival in my heart

2.11.2013

untimely collision

source

i have never felt more inexplicably swayed in my life -- at least, not that i remember. it's an untimely collision of tugging and yes's and no's and pro's and con's. it's me, wrestling against the temptation to somehow stumble upon peace and conviction through objectification, rationalization and compartmentalization. it's the lack of a cookie cutter guideline that i am so inclined towards because it is comfortable and reliable. it's the fear of i donno, everything. it's the memory of smiles, both stale and fresh, bitter, fearfully sweet, moving, painful, thoroughly confusing; my memory, again, thus serves its mischievous purpose in my wallflower mind. but as i give power to this gaggle of inarticulate sentiments through words, i must duly say this:

i will choose to gaze upon You and acknowledge once again that You are good. You are faithful -- sometimes frighteningly but entirely majestically so. You love me with a tender, passionate, empowering, radical, extravagant love. You see all in my life and You work all things for good in my life. there are no mistakes in Your handiwork and Your giant fingerprints are everywhere--so much so that, if i were to have some sort of spiritual infrared goggles, it would be hilarious because i would see more of your fingerprints than of my life circumstances. i will be still before Your majesty and i will allow perfect love to cast out all fear. let me no longer diminish Your power by fretting over things that haven't happened, over hypothetical situations i obsessively entertain in my imagination. this i ask by the empowering of the boldness from the Holy Spirit, who dwells in me and makes this untimely collision entirely intentional and timely and beautiful and good.

sidenotes;
i am kersplat hear me roar

1.13.2013

relationships

source

today at church i found myself testing the dangerous waters of discontentment and self-righteous entitlement. i was disgusted by myself. here is just a poignant pondering:

the young adult/high school christian culture today sees relationships strangely because now society tells everyone that:
1) soul mates exist
2) soul mate must be yearned for
and even for the self titled realist with an aversion to the "hopeless romantic" route, society somehow says that:
1) everyone is entitled to a relationship (as if a relationship is some kind of reward thing? what did you do to deserve a person? what are you, a slave master? wat.)
2) you'll find someone compatible to you

but those assumptions lead to
1) unrightfully over-romanticizing relationships & unhealthy fantasizing
2) idolizing relationships
3) forgetting what God made people for -- to worship Him, bring glory to Him, love Him, be loved by Him

therefore christians today are all confused when it comes to:
1) college
2) relationships

because culture tells us these are of utmost importance. but the bible says nothing, except for restricting marriage to believers. which either means that:
1) God doesn't care
2) God doesn't want us to idolize these things
and by process of elimination the first doesn't make any sense.
so my conclusion is that God wants us to surrender everything to him including our hunger/greed for a relationship, because innate in that desire is actually a sinful desire to be a little god (aka to be worshiped by someone in the form of love). and when He deems it right, He will orchestrate accordingly and that relationship will bring glory to Him and not to the humans. we can also rest assured knowing that He sees our hearts, that He is sanctifying us, and that He loves us so very much.

i am once again reminded to honor my brothers' integrity by meticulously and continuously examining my own heart, because as a daughter of Eve, i am, like her, sinfully prone to manipulation and self-idolatry.


Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14


I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11

sidenotes;
1) hohum god is good to me even though i am dumb sometimes
i have a lot to learn about how God redeems relationships because it hurts to see my brothers and sisters hurt each other, or to see my sisters be manipulative, or to see my brothers not lead intentionally.
but i can rest assured in knowing that He is a God of redemption. He is such a good God who has so very extravagantly proven His heart for redeeming and reconciling us through Christ's sacrifice.


2) also indecisive people or perpetually absent-minded people make me really frustrated, sorry lol
deepen my understanding of Your grace towards me so that 1) i may feel anguish for people and love on them with grace and patience and 2) that i may kill the source of frustration which is unquestionably and simply my un-Christlike attitude towards people who bother me--as if i am somehow the center of the world. because i am most definitely, not.

3) forever wallflower

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