source
my memory accumulates faces, overheard conversations, secret smiles i am not privy to.
i feel as if i am determined to look away from this large gaping pit, as if by peripheral vision i could deny its existence and by enabling others to fight their monsters, i could starve mine into weakness. but it is determined to have my attention, this bothersome something in my heart. i am not so strong as i would like to delude the world into thinking. i am a coward.
because when he said he betrayed his friends and his conscience to be there, in my heart he was no longer there.
"how are you?" they say: and i imagine that i see past it, perhaps because i don't trust their intentions, or that these three words reek of shallow conversation, or that i deny anyone the opportunity to help bear this heaviness, or that i find it unnecessary to add to their's.
i am captive of the fear i beget in my own mind because i speak of authenticity until it has become falsehood. and this is when my chest caves in.
i feel as if i am determined to look away from this large gaping pit, as if by peripheral vision i could deny its existence and by enabling others to fight their monsters, i could starve mine into weakness. but it is determined to have my attention, this bothersome something in my heart. i am not so strong as i would like to delude the world into thinking. i am a coward.
because when he said he betrayed his friends and his conscience to be there, in my heart he was no longer there.
"how are you?" they say: and i imagine that i see past it, perhaps because i don't trust their intentions, or that these three words reek of shallow conversation, or that i deny anyone the opportunity to help bear this heaviness, or that i find it unnecessary to add to their's.
i am captive of the fear i beget in my own mind because i speak of authenticity until it has become falsehood. and this is when my chest caves in.
if you tell me to leave, i just might. do you know how you hurt me so? but i suppose i don't know either
/being a melodramatic writer
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well" -I Will Rise, Chris Tomlin
sidenotes;
peace, He said
can i just eat cereal and milk and ice cream all day
can i just eat cereal and milk and ice cream all day
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