change

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relient k's mmhmm album was the first taste of music i encountered. i was twelve. rock, christian rock, alternative: sanctus real, tenth avenue north, phil wickham, superchick. i struggled through middle school and grappled with bitterness and all the angst that accompanies the wonderful age of thirteen, all the while finding confused refuge in the christian rock music. it was good, clean, loud music.

and then i was fifteen, and i stumbled upon the most endearing, happy music yet: piano pop. joy williams, ingrid michaelson, jess penner, colbie caillat, regina spektor. it was still comforting music because it was predictable and happy and it lifted the corners of my lips in the midst of studying for apush (a class i blatantly nicknamed uni's "hell").

and then at sixteen years, i heard john mayer's voice and my music life was forever changed. i fell head over heels for blues and jazz and crooning voices. i found corinne bailey rae, jamie cullum, norah jones, michael buble, jack johnson, jason mraz. their music accompanied me through college paperwork.

then all of a sudden, i was an eighteen year old college student sitting in my room listening to indie music to shut out the clamor of hormonal conversation outside my door. it was kings of convenience, bombay bicycle club, young the giant, gungor, monsters calling home. i heard their music accompanying memories of the person who made my freshman year so very unexpectedly different and sweet and painful.

and as i was gathering my breath and wits and broken pieces i found myself being healed and loved by Him, sitting at home after a fast sophomore fall quarter, looking ahead to winter quarter. 1:30am, wrapped in blankets, blowing on frozen fingers, listening to music i would never have imagined liking as a twelve year old, a fifteen year old, a sixteen year old, an eighteen year old. now the rabbits have the gun and the paper kites added themselves to the indie music, but i also found a strange love for downtempo and when i rediscovered as tall as lions, i fell into the deep end with trifonic and stateless and six parts seven and snowmine and the xx and kye kye.

the one thing consistent through all of this change, however, is this contagious eagerness that bubbles up inside of me when i listen to the music. the other beautiful thing is that God sees all of the change. He sees everything from my evolving music taste to the tears i shed in my eighth grade algebra class to the confusion i grappled with last year. He sees. He loves. and it's so wonderful to trace everything back to His faithfulness, for He is the source of all things good.

sidenotes;
okay seriously, i can't even.
i love stateless & six parts seven & snowmine right now omgosh.
this has definitely been a season of basking in how He is sovereign in my life and how He loves me and how He knows me