teaching

i'm not sure what the purpose of writing this is. i have been feeling a lot this month and i just want to record it. it is mid october and i am in the thick of teaching. everyone tells me that october is the hardest month on top of first year teaching being the hardest year. i am miserable. i can't count how many times i have wondered what other jobs might be like, or if i would enjoy another working field other than education. are the possibilities still endless? can i still try other things? is education still hold the transformative possibilities i thought it did - even as i'm watching my students give up in class or drop out entirely or get sent to other schools?