anchor: God's ministry

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i am reflecting upon my work on campus and in class in many layers - today we we talked about the difference between scholar activism and scholar advocacy. we talked about the interconnectedness of scholarship (theory) and activism/advocacy (praxis) -- that the two are heavily interdependent. using a middle passage analogy, we mentioned how activism allows one to break the chains, but theory directs attention to how to steer the ship. who is steering it? where is it going? we mentioned how advocacy says "i have the answer" and attempts to change people's minds, but activism says "i don't have the answer" and engages self transformation and societal transformation. i imagine advocacy as a middle ground between personal theory formation (first part of activism) and collective application/response (second part of activism).

in this sense, i am engaging in all three levels.

the level most salient in my heart at the moment is the personal level and the subsequent desire to share this with my peers. i am acutely aware in this season of the journey God is taking me on to delineate what it entails to be a practicing Christian in this realm. in his essay "Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry," henri nouwen brings us through a similar three tiered, interconnected process. as disciples, we are called to discipline ourselves into solitude with God to submit ourselves into a space where we allow God to do root-digging, identity work in us. this is where we develop our attentiveness to the voice which says "beloved." it is in this place of solitude that we are naturally led to community where we actively practice forgiveness of fellow "beloveds" to whom we allow the freedom to not be God - to make mistakes and to hurt us and to hurt. in community we inhale Christ's compassion as it becomes our lifeblood. the exhale of this is ministry; nouwen argues that ministry is not "something that you do (although it calls you to do many things). Ministry is something that you have to trust." we have to trust that because we are sons and daughters of God, and because he promises that whoever believes in him will do Jesus' work & more, we have the healing power of Jesus within us to heal those we come into contact with.

i find that in my interactions and conversations with my classmates, i feel a gut fear regarding my life as a practicing Christian. i feel a need to legitimate the Jesus within my heart. to perform for my classmates an intact argument for Jesus. the moment i realized this fear, i had to sit back and reorient myself into a posture of rest and trust instead of strivings and fear. i can trust that God has placed me in Ethnic Studies, that God has given me these opportunities to engage with this world, that God lives within me and will work powerfully not by my power but through my weakness and obedience, by his power.

God, here am i! send me.

[nouwen's article]

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