exorbitant

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we had an interesting discussion at college fellowship on sunday, & here are my following thoughts (:

in light of the college christian culture--all the books on christian relationships, all the ambiguous talk about the necessity of boundaries, the subversion underlying "brother/sister-in-christ" as we use this label to justify closeness, & the pervasive pressure to find a christian spouse--i can't help but feel sometimes that we are dangerously close to becoming like a meat market.

but before we as a culture can address practical "how-to's" in interacting with the opposite gender in a healthy & God-honoring way, i feel like it's necessary to take a step back & consider our attitude in light of what kind of people God has called us to be: holy, set-apart, above reproach, blameless; edifiers, Christ-emulators.

ask yourself whether you would be doing so if that person were married. ask yourself whether you can stand before God and say with confidence, "i treated this person with utmost purity, in every aspect." ask yourself whether your words/actions are edifying--meaning, they point the person towards christ and do not draw attention back to yourself. because that's the nature of sin: it makes us self-obsessed attention whores, clamoring for godship as we idiomatically bite off more than we can chew.

is someone else's pain brought about by careless words/unclear boundaries a price worth paying for a week, a month of your personal gratification? for the measly knowledge that someone is interested in you because you are oh-so-charming? what an exorbitant price to pay for so cheap quality a thrill. where is the harm in some fun? i dunno. you tell me.



sidenotes;
i love making grocery runs with my siblings & buying fruit to make smoothies.
i love taking pictures of my beautiful sisters at church!
i love that my two childhood friends are inching towards Him.
i love that my summer school classes are easy & enjoyable (:
i love that i love thinking & writing
i love summer hehehehehehe

fight it all with truth

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i am haunted by hindsight as it mercifully (cruelly?) peels off the scales covering my eyes. He has placed a crown on my head and i keep trying to cheapen it, tear it off & spit on it as i feverishly slap on ugly blue "Hello, I am" labels as if they were bandages sufficient enough to cover the dirt i remember having on my hands. but He embraces me and says, "be still. cease striving. quiet."

& these are the verses that chase away the darkness:

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 1 John 4:8

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.” Mark 8:34-35

My soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen wait for the morning,

more than watchmen wait for the morning. Psalm 130:6

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry. "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

He is good to me. (:

sidenotes;

wuah spider ambush few moments ago. made me cry lol D: laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, sigh
somehow spiders don't bother our home all year long when i'm away at college but the moment i come home, they return. this means war. D:<
i have exactly 100 days before school starts again. LET'S DO THIS

held together

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so easily torn apart. all the rhythms of my everyday life--the voice of my roommate webcamming, the strange conversations i overhear at price center where i seek refuge in the white noise, the quietness of my room and the loudness of my thoughts. today i felt overriding panic that threw everything into stark relief as i heard the voice of reason--of pride?--chastising me while tears i did not know i had left salty streaks on my cheeks. i am so easily torn apart and yet somehow, He holds me together. show me mercy, for i am flighty, i am prone to wander.

fear can either inspire me to action or paralyze me into inaction. who is it that i fear?

sidenotes;
i've learned so much in twelve months' time, i'm speechless.
i want out, i want home. somehow i will.